Learning the right lessons
When I was young, my best friend was called Kevin. He was two years older than me and I idolized him: I was his shadow and fan club in one, chubby package. One day, when I was nine, Kevin went into hospital for a couple of weeks. My parents bought me a gerbil and I asked Kevin to think of a name for it.
I never found out what name he picked because he died a few days after I asked him. He had been suffering from leukemia; no one had told me and I was devastated.
I’m a big believer in the idea that only a small percentage of what we learn comes from formal learning and that most comes from experience. But two things have always bothered me about that.
The first is that learning doesn’t just happen because we have an experience. We’ve all known plenty of people who continue to make the same mistakes, over and over again, despite the experiences they have. To learn, there has to be some kind of process at work in our minds, consciously or subconsciously, that converts that experience into a lesson or a learning point.
That’s easy enough to address. Keeping a diary or a journal helps but usually giving people the opportunity to reflect, providing them with some questions to ask themselves is enough to make the learning conscious.
The second is harder and I’m not sure what to do about it. It relates to Kevin and the lesson that experience taught me.
Reflecting on it when I was older, it seems to me that there are two lessons I could have taken from that experience. The first is, “life is short and precious; make the most of it.” The second is, “anything you love can be taken from you in a heartbeat; don’t take risks.” They’re both equally valid, I guess, but one is a lot more helpful than the other; I took the second lesson and I honestly believe it’s held me back, in a lot of ways.
I didn’t consciously choose it, of course, but it’s the lesson I learned and it’s taken me a long time to unlearn it. So my question is, with the experiences we have, how do we ensure we learn the right lessons?
That’s an excellent story Steve. It’s so true that many people keep making the same mistakes, even when the lesson is repeated. Maybe it's about always consciously asking ‘ what’s the lesson here?’ Or ‘how else could I react to this?’ I agree the learning is not just about the experience per se, but in the reflection and discussion with others afterwards.
Ever tried to NOT read a signpost? Once you learn to read how do you stop? Really thought provoking Steve.
Great article Steve.