It's Just Not That Simple

I recently had a conversation over lunch with a colleague. He was interested in learning more about the Office of Health Equity and the work we do. During the conversation he asked me my thoughts about the subject of privilege, which he had been hearing more and more about in his own workplace. I explained to him that I very much believed in the concept of privilege. My lunch companion, who is a CEO of a local Denver organization (and is also white, male, heterosexual, non-disabled, and Christian) vehemently denied having any privilege and became quite offended that I believed he did. He reported that his parents emigrated to the U.S with very little when he was two years old. He grew up in poverty and had to put himself through college. He stated that nothing came easy to him and neither he nor his family were able to use any sort of privilege to help him succeed.

The more I listened to him the clearer it became that he was expressing the same feelings that many of us have when it comes to the issue of privilege. We often think that having privilege means you have had an easy life. People sometimes feel personally attacked when others point out their privilege because to them it feels like someone is saying that they haven’t worked hard. You can be privileged in some aspects of your social identity (race, class, sexual orientation, religion, etc) and still have a difficult life. Having privilege does not mean that a person is immune to life’s hardships, but it does mean that we have an unearned benefit or advantage that is denied to others who do not share that privilege.

All aspects of our identities – whether those aspects are disadvantaged or privileged – interact with one another. We experience the aspects of our identities collectively and simultaneously, not individually. In other words, most of us are neither totally privileged or totally disadvantaged. However, even when we are privileged in certain ways, it’s easier for us to note the disadvantages we experience rather than the privileges. Being mistreated tends to be more memorable than being treated fairly.

Conversations about privilege are critically important in working for equity and we all must develop skills in leading these conversations. This means we must get comfortable having conversations about privilege with those who are receptive, as well as those who are not.

The first step is always to lead with empathy. It’s important to get an understanding of an individual’s experience. After I have discussed my own privileges and disadvantages, I then ask about the ways in which the other person does not have privilege. This is helpful not only in understanding the person more and starting where they are, but also extending empathy. After talking about the ways in which they don’t hold privilege, I ask in what ways they do. Structuring the conversation around ways people do and don’t have privilege tends to lower defenses and makes it easier to move on to discussing what we can do about it.