How are you? Really, How are you?

Today, Let me ask you one simple question, the answer to which is perhaps not simple.

HOW ARE YOU?

From 1st day in school, we are taught that if someone asks “How are you?”, the answer is- “Fine, Thank you.” Well really no one understands the hidden meaning of FINE, and now it’s time that we come forward and tell that if someone asks How are You? the answer is not always Fine.

Many of us are private and reluctant to tell others about the issues that concern or bother us. Even when we go to the doctor, we might minimize the issue or fail to mention the problems we are having. But why? Are we afraid to be helped? Are we afraid to admit that we have problems? Do we believe that no one cares honestly about what we say? Are we afraid that our situation is hopeless, and we don’t want to have others confirm that?

We have become so used to this private culture that even our family and friends are often unwilling to ask us too many personal questions or to answer them when we ask. So many of us feel reluctant to disclose too much about ourselves, particularly if it involves troubling issues. This may be due to possible repercussions: a)     It would alter others’ perceptions of us. b)     It may elicit pity or indifference from others. c)     We may experience emotional pain when we recount our condition. d)     The inquirer may be too busy or too self-absorbed to genuinely want a meaningful response, and so disclosing the information may belittle its importance. e)     We may fear that the inquirer would violate our trust.

Let me ask a reverse question, What does it mean when you first see someone you know and say, “How are you?” Is it a greeting, like “hello"? Or are you honestly interested in that person’s health?

We have come to use this expression so often that it may be difficult for others to know what our intentions are in asking the question. It’s a sad state of affairs when we live among others who could benefit from our care and concern, who are suffering in silence, and to whom we do not respond. Helping doesn’t only mean solving another person’s problems. We can help by demonstrating compassion and offering support and hope to others in need.

Now when you see someone who doesn’t look good, ask them: “How are you? Really, how are you?” and be prepared to put on your “listener ears.” Simply acknowledging a person and listening to them may lift their spirits and condition, and remind them and you that the meaning of Humanity lies in sharing Emotions.

So the next time someone asks “How are you? Really, how are you?”, please tell them:- “Hey, I am not Fine, and please don’t ask why, because I will be not able to share with you." "Hey, I am not Fine, because those guys are bullying me in the college." "Hey, I am not fine, because I have made a very big mistake, and I don’t know how to rectify it." "Hey, I am not fine, because I am feeling rejected or lonely or falling apart….." Etc. etc.

Why can’t we make our life real and identify our true feelings and speak out rather than keeping it to ourselves? The key to coming out of this is to be open, accepting, and loving towards ourselves and what we’re going through. Let the World accept us the way we are. It is their problem, not ours, that they don’t like to be around us or give us importance. 

Let’s Speak to our friends, pour our heart’s out, and trust me No one will Judge. And even if they Judge, Let them. We will find another person to tell our story next time. Please remember, We are a population of 7.8 Billion people in the World and 1.37 Billion people in the country, if one person judges there are Billions of others.

Let’s understand that recovering from this state of mind is a Rule and not an Exception. We can follow certain things to come out, few of them which I use:-

1. Let’s look into the mirror, talk to ourselves. Use the mirror like another person, state the facts, Mirror will never be judgmental because It’s “ME” only.
2. If we are having a down day, have it. Let us feel the emotions — but don’t stay there. Make a Journal, consider Writing, what we are going through. It’s like carving out the pain and it will give a sense of relief. Don’t write only the problems, but also say “I will Face It, whatsoever.” (Even if we want to shred it, read that last line of Facing it and just shred/burn it)
3. Know Today’s mood, emotions, or thoughts don’t belong to tomorrow. Don’t carry the baggage of Yesterday, Today is a Present, Cherish It. And even if we were unsuccessful at getting out of bed or accomplishing our goals today, remember that we haven’t lost tomorrow’s opportunity to try again. Let’s give ourselves the grace to accept that while some days will be difficult, some days will also be great. Try to look forward to tomorrow’s fresh start.
4. Law of Attraction – This works terrifically. Trust Me!! The moment we neglect the negative emotions in our life, we are done, Just Seize that moment and hold on to it. Keep doing that regularly and one day, it’s existence in our mind will go for a toss.

I read a quote somewhere:- "If you're depressed or anxious, you're not weak and you're not crazy, you’re not in the main, a machine with broken parts- you're just a human being with unmet needs,"

You might be thinking, that everywhere I have written, WE and US because we all are in this together. Be it ME or YOU! :)

I am not saying that- “Hey Buddy, you need to pull yourself together, it’s your job to figure out and fix this problem on your own…” What I am saying here is- “We’re here as a Group to pull together with you, so together we can figure out and fix this problem…"