Is “No” the Go?

I’ve really been thinking deeply about focus lately. Recently, everywhere I go, and particularly off the back of the recent Cal Newport book, “Slow Productivity,” is a lot of encouragement to focus ourselves, do fewer things, say “no” a lot more, and basically live a life streamlined around a very narrow set of priorities.

I’ve read the book (in fact, I’ve read a bunch of Newport’s books over many years) and I like the key ideas. I highly recommend you read it. The ideas resonate because, like many people, I have a pretty busy life with a lot of strands to it. Simplicity and sharpness of focus seem very, very attractive some weeks and days.

But, the problem is that when I survey my life and reflect on some of the amazing things that I’ve been able to experience or opportunities for growth that have come my way, they have almost always come off the back of me saying “yes” to something. And, if I’m really honest with myself, usually points in time when I should have been saying “no” because I was already hard-pressed with responsibilities. Sometimes, I probably should have said “no” because I may not have been qualified or experienced enough for the opportunity. But I said “yes” and I made it work somehow. And I have few regrets on that front. It was full-on, hectic, a wee bit uncontrolled and exhausting at points. But, there is no doubt in my mind that there are some unique and amazing things I’ve been able to be a part of that I would not have experienced unless I’d been dumb enough to just say “yes” and figure out how to make it happen later.

But, after saying “yes” to many things, I resonate with suddenly finding myself in dire need of focus and simplifying my existence. And I’ve gone through that journey of trimming out things and re-prioritising, and life has freed up a little. And then, I’ve said “yes” to more things. 

Maybe I’m sucker for punishment, but there is a part of me that thinks that focus and notions like “slow productivity” are great, but generally when you’re down the road a bit, tried some things, had time to figure out your priorities so that you actually know what you want to focus on. Until then, maybe it’s better to be open, to be curious, to be a “yes” person more than you’re saying “no.”

So, I’m wondering whether life is actually just a gentle unbalanced swing from overwhelm and extreme busyness to focus and simplicity. And then back again. If you say “no” too early and too much, your life will be narrow and hemmed in and I would argue that you probably haven’t explored your potential territory enough. You need to have phases in your life where you do say “yes” and you’re open to exploring new things and chasing a rabbit (or two - maybe at the same time!). And saying “yes” will take you into busy waters. But then you need the discipline and wisdom to take stock and realise that you have to change gears, slow it down, focus on fewer things, consolidate, go deeper, before you open up the taps again.

I remember someone once saying that the act of walking or running is inherently an unbalanced activity. You are literally lurching from imbalance to imbalance, but you go places. Perfect balance means standing still. The act of moving means you have to move to a controlled state of imbalance as you lean and step. I really think there is something in this. It rings true of my imperfect life, but one where I’ve experienced a lot more than I would have ever imagined just because I was prepared to say “yes” and then figure it out.