THE GIFT OF LANGUAGE
I have always had a fascination for words. I get a deep, satisfying and astonishing feeling when I contemplate a blank page. Well, reading might be a close competitor!
Even when I don't have a single thought to pen, I am always filled with wonder at the human potential of filling a page or conversation with ideas, hopes, and questions. When people write or speak and the way they write or speak, I get a glimpse into what truly matters to them. A connection made from the heart.
I believe strongly that our words do matter. Language can unite as much as it can divide. I am also troubled that as a society, we are diminishing our capacity to make human connections. Today, more than any other time in history, we have a clear choice to pay attention to the way we use language in our conversations.
You don’t need me to tell you that. Nor do you need me to convince you of this fact.
So, why am I compelled to say something about this? Two or three reasons come to mind.
1. My daughter texted me the other day, “…..and as an English educator, I want my students to know that words are powerful. “
2. My coaching conversations with clients ALWAYS include brainstorming around crucial conversations – work and family.
3. A client shared, “I feel I am not being straightforward or authentic when I can’t say what is on my mind.”
I notice that it is easier to lean towards disagreement than to work through the dissonance. I notice it is easier to believe that if we use the same set of words repeatedly, magically the outcome of a conversation will change. I notice that it is easier to use emotions to create fear, rather than hope.
My attention goes to two practices and I invite you into this conversation with joy and anticipation.
Practice One: I value the practice of scripting especially for conversations where I believe intense emotions will exponentially activate my amygdala.
- When I script, I invite clarity of thinking into my conversation
- When I script, I force attention to how intense emotions might show up in my behavior
- When I script, I shift my focus from “me” to “us”
- When I script, I feel centered and can more easily lean towards being authentic
This practice isn’t as laborious as it might sound – it is more a noticing exercise; an exercise of taking a pause before rushing into a response. It is a practice of softening the edges of egos.
Practice Two: I also value the practice of using a North Star principle. My mantra includes:
- What is my truth? What has helped me get to this truth?
- How helpful is my contribution to the listener?
- How necessary is it for my voice to be heard?
- How is compassion and kindness showing up?
Even as I falter in these practices, I recognize these are essential in my life. My goal isn’t perfection. My goal is to keep the joy these practices bring into my life.
Each conversation has the potential to be volatile and disruptive. The same conversation has the power to be expansive with curiosity and gentleness. With my imperfect practice, I would rather pick the latter as an aspiration, every single time.
What is your experience?
I love this: “This practice isn’t as laborious as it might sound – it is more a noticing exercise; an exercise of taking a pause before rushing into a response. It is a practice of softening the edges of egos. Thanks for your thoughtful article, Sunitha Narayanan. And, I’m not surprised one bit that we have a shared affinity for ‘words.’
Thanks for sharing Joan. Great reminders on not just how to communicate better, but the content we should consider and the impact on others.
In our increasingly disrespectful and knee-jerk messaging culture, scripting our messages is a way to be thoughtful about or approach, to slow down the process, and show respect to our fellow human beings. Thank you for this post Sunitha Narayanan, and for the reminder!
would love to read more about scripting....
So very cool when practices amaze us with their capacity of creating abundance! Thanks Jackene Laverty for keeping this conversation going--I appreciate that and your support of this post.