Friction vs Conflict

I’ve heard these two words used several times throughout my career when it comes to people who have disagreements, and sometimes they were used interchangeably like there is no difference between the two. But they’re not the same.

So, what’s really the difference between these two words? Friction is about rubbing up against the surface of something else and it’s not meant to be malicious. While conflict is a disagreement between two or more people, and if not managed well, can lead to arguments, violence, or the splitting of groups.  

Three ways friction can move our relationships forward.

1.    On the surface. All friction is not bad it just has to be managed well. This means you cannot allow friction to turn into conflict. Friction can be very good for individual and team growth and our attitudes will determine how well we manage it. 

If left unchecked friction will manifest itself into deep seeded conflict where the only option that remains is for one person to be permanently removed from the group.  

2.    It’s healthy. Yes, it can be healthy to have friction. When friction is managed well during one-on-ones or meetings it can lead to behavior change for both sides. This requires each person to genuinely listen to the other person to understand their point of view before responding. When we can learn to do this growth occurs.     

3.    Controlling It. It is the leader’s job to control the friction on the team so it doesn’t get out of hand, but the leader should not completely neutralize it. Friction, unlike conflict, can be healthy for individual and team growth. It leads to better ideas, creative thinking and positive debate. But once a decision is made all team members must be willing to leave unified on the decision.

 Questions:

How good are you at managing friction on the surface before it leads to conflict? When was the last time your team had a healthy disagreement? Why is it important to not neutralize all friction on your team? I would love to hear your responses on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter.