Do it afraid.

I'm in a process. A creative process and so are many of you.

In her book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert says the following:

"Let me list for you some of the many ways in which you might be afraid to live a more creative life: You’re afraid you have no talent. You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or—worst of all—ignored. You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it. You’re afraid somebody else already did it better. You’re afraid everybody else already did it better. You’re afraid somebody will steal your ideas, so it’s safer to keep them hidden forever in the dark. You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously. You’re afraid your work isn’t politically, emotionally, or artistically important enough to change anyone’s life. You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing. You’re afraid that someday you’ll look back on your creative endeavors as having been a giant waste of time, effort, and money. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of work space, or financial freedom, or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration. 

You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of training or degree. You’re afraid you’re too fat. (I don’t know what this has to do with creativity, exactly, but experience has taught me that most of us are afraid we’re too fat, so let’s just put that on the anxiety list, for good measure.) You’re afraid of being exposed as a hack, or a fool, or a dilettante, or a narcissist. You’re afraid of upsetting your family with what you may reveal. You’re afraid of what your peers and coworkers will say if you express your personal truth aloud. You’re afraid of unleashing your innermost demons, and you really don’t want to encounter your innermost demons. You’re afraid your best work is behind you. You’re afraid you never had any best work to begin with. You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back. 

You’re afraid you’re too old to start. You’re afraid you’re too young to start. You’re afraid because something went well in your life once, so obviously nothing can ever go well again. You’re afraid because nothing has ever gone well in your life, so why bother trying? You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder. You’re afraid of being a no-hit wonder."

There is at least one sentence from that passage that stood out for you. While I won't unpack our fears and provide tips on overcoming them in this newsletter, I would like to affirm that you are not alone in feeling afraid. In fact, when I had to submit my manuscript for publishing a few weeks ago, I sent my friend a text message explaining how sick I was in my body. I had pages full of questions for her. Questions like: Is this the right time? Have I given this my very best effort? Is the way I chose to write clear (because clear is better than clever for me)? Is it too much? Is it too little?...a couple more questions which I won't bore you with here. I waited in eager expectation for my friend's response and after a few minutes of walking back and forth across the room, wondering why she isn't responding, a few messages came in. Short sentences. She wasn't answering my questions. Her response was simply this:

This is the creative process. It puts a demand on our bodies, our minds our emotions. It triggers insecurities, fears and possibilities. I'm asking you to consider facing it all. Don't ignore them, pretend they don't exist, or spend hours trying to reframe them. It is okay to acknowledge the fear, but you decide what takes center stage. Will it be the fear or your curiosity? Give the creative process a chance.

I know the holiday season is near. While I won't be buying gifts for each of you, I would like to recommend the book Big Magic. It is a pleasure for me to share material that is helpful and life-giving. I recommend this book to 20-year-olds who are just starting out in their careers. I think the 30 year old building steadily should buy this book. The 40 year old in the middle of a massive pivot should do the same. The 60 year old who wants to start something new should buy the book too. (I think there is a 60 year old reading this). Whether you're creating or consuming, I'd say get the book. Whether you think you are, will be or should be creative, get the book because Gilbert writes,

To even call somebody ‘a creative person’ is almost laughably redundant; creativity is the hallmark of our species.

What are you working on in this season? Continue.

You matter with your voice, your art, your thoughts, your ideas, your strategies, and your work. In any case, regardless of who listens, reads, participates, or even acknowledges you, your interpretation and expression matter and are prophetic invitations for others. Thank you for reading this newsletter all the way through. It's understandable that a piece like this might seem confronting.

Perhaps the person you admire is also afraid. What if we all admitted that sometimes pursuing our dreams and working towards our goals can be scary? What if we just chose to focus on the little steps? My creative process looks like this; many small steps. 

You are already creative. There is no need to prove it. We all experience fear from time to time. It's normal to feel frustrated. Doubt exists. Questions are a thing. It's all part of the process. Embrace your process and explore the idea you've been thinking about starting.

Do it afraid.