Defining the "it"

...you got two sides, and the blacks are screaming "Prejudice!" to the white side, and the white side says "Why don't they get over it? Why can't they get over it?" And the blacks don't understand that the whites don't know what the "it"  is. We're trying somehow to define the "it".—John Cummings, Owner of the Whitney Plantation Slavery Museum

[watch video before reading the reflexion below]

The fact that something is "obvious" to many, or agreed by the majority, doesn't make it universally true. That something is still an empiric, one-sided opinion. If in doubt, ask Galileo.

While watching the video, I couldn't stop asking myself, what's the "it" in my life. Is there more than one? What are they and where do they hide? What do I do to disguise them, so others around me can't see them, and even worse, so I can't see them?

One "it" that I was able to unmask during my first self-inflicted mid-life crisis at 23 (first, because I couldn't avoid the real one at 40) was my theory of "being clear and honest" about my intentions before starting a relationship which I knew had no future. I wanted to feel ok and emotionally protected about the pain suffered by the other person when things came to an end. It was my personal fine print that gave me immunity. "She knew and agreed", I repeated to myself (and others). I came to believe it, I think. I built an armour around my heart as if "protecting" it... when actually it was suffocating.

Deep inside conflict was brewing; and still, it was easier to flicker a fan frantically to hide the vapor. The alternative to that had to do with vulnerability —my vulnerability—  and, guess what, I wasn't up for the challenge. How many lovely souls and people I truly loved did I see being buried by sorrow before I realised the shovel was in my hands all along? As always in these tragic stories of the heart, it took one too many. One that landed too close to home.

I've proudly positioned myself as one who avoids the us and them mentality.  I see others and me as one coming from the same source and energy (at least that's my intention). But I'm not sure I'm achieving that intention all the time because, like most of us, I grew up surrounded by boundaries that seem to be "clear to all".  And these boundaries can't be crossed , although they have never been defined —No need, they're "obvious", or they've been there since forever—. If somehow you don't see the obviousness of any of those boundaries, you feel awkward and out of place; there must be something wrong with you, of course. You believe it and you even try to fix yourself and be normal.  Or you risk it and raise your hand. Good luck!

Imagine you time-travel to the middle of the segregation era in the US (without knowing the history), get on a bus and are perplexed by the unexpected partition of black and white faces. You ask out loud "why" in the most natural and curious way.  What's that supposed to mean? What kind of question is that? Duh! are the best answers you will get. Or one even better, because it's the law.  Imagine the clash of "obviousnesses" from both parties and the forces in play. But watch out, you're minority. If you insist on asking, you're probably going to be the one excluded or lynched.

When the law is irrational. What's rational becomes ilegal.

—My tía Sol.

Rosa Parks challenged the "it" with one small but public act of witness: She refused quietly to sit on the back of the bus.  Why make such a big deal over such a little thing?  Look at all the trouble you are causing!  Stop being so selfish and ego-centric!  With this small act, Mrs. Parks altered the course of history and human rights.  By challenging the "it", she offered us all an option to be better people.

Without noticing, people keep training each new generation with the —Why can't you just leave it alone? (and there's the "it" again). "But WHAT is it??", you ask in your now-personal revolution. And everybody looks at you with a Duh face as if you were at the dairy farm asking for a place to get milk nearby.  At this point, you can either do like Galileo or like Socrates.

"I thought that I personally would no longer be satisfied living in ignorance", said the founder of the Whitney Planation Slavery Museum, "I'll try to do my best to present the facts of slavery to all the people I could." The museum challenges and defies humanity by defining the "it", forcing all of us to look it in the eye and no longer pretend to live in the protected community-ignorance of the "obvious".

I want to be that —to become that kind of person. The one who no longer feels safe hiding behind the its' walls... And definitely not at the expense of the suffering of others.

[Image by http://education.nationalgeographic.org/]