The Dark Side of Learning

The emphasis on learning in the workplace is greater than ever before. With the pace of technological transformation, the average shelf life of any particular skill is diminishing. Given the impact of AI and machine learning coupled with the retirement age increasing in line with the longer lives we lead, job changes are becoming more frequent and more radical, and as such, the process of learning is shifting from being finite and focused, to broad and lifelong. As adults, we are constantly learning and building skills through completing courses, obtaining qualifications in new and relevant areas, seeking and acting on feedback, taking on lateral roles, and leading stretch projects.

Swimming in the Deep End

We tend to celebrate this type of learning through the recognition of achievements: accreditations, certificates, promotions and pay increases. These accolades however, ignore the one constant in learning anything new: a recognition of the level of discomfort that is created during the journey of learning. This discomfort emerges in many ways, for example: securing a job with a non-traditional background, and then panicking about the fact that you know far less than those around you; landing a big promotion and feeling completely out of your depth with a large team looking to you for direction; learning a new skill but feeling too intimidated to apply it alongside practitioners with years of experience.

In these types of scenarios, there is a dark side emerging, an uneasiness that lives in the space of learning. The process of acquiring new knowledge or skills requires swimming in the unknown, which may release gremlins: the helplessness of not knowing, the fear of failure, the doubting of abilities, and the sense of being overwhelmed. Furthermore, there can be a level of shame in acknowledging this discomfort, making us believe that admitting our struggle will lead to people thinking less of us. It’s only natural that we want to numb or escape the feelings of discomfort as quickly as possible, by giving up our learning endeavor, hurrying through it, or putting up a facade.

“...We acutely feel the pressure from those around us to mask our incompetence and inadequacy, to pretend that we have the answers, even when we don’t…” - Steven D’Souza (2014), Not Knowing

For the past two years, I was immersed in my own learning journey as I undertook two transformational endeavors: joining a new organization to take on a role in a function previously unfamiliar to me, while simultaneously completing a master’s degree in a new discipline. 

My discomfort manifested itself in a number of ways.

• I will never forget the embarrassment that I experienced on the very first day of my postgraduate study in psychology, feeling overcome with the realization that I knew so little. I was unaccustomed to being so far out of my comfort zone. Until that moment, I saw myself as an experienced professional, a perfectionist well regarded for my capabilities and performance. I had been living in a “know it all” mode, but suddenly, my façade was crumbling. I felt vulnerable and exposed, wondering what in the world I was doing there - in that class, with these students and that professor - terrified of finally being unmasked.
• There was the intense pressure of juggling competing commitments. My “to-do” list and diary schedule felt insurmountable: I was working full time, leading a large team and frequently traveling abroad for business; completing homework assignments; being a present and devoted wife and mother; staying on top of my kids’ school work and commitments; writing a thesis; and somewhere in there, trying to take care of myself as well. I was in a state of uncertainty for two years, experiencing a spectrum of conflicting emotions: overwhelmed to fulfilled, stressed to energized, regretful to grateful, and inadequate to proud.

• Throughout the process, I was engaged in a form of creative destruction: merging old and familiar concepts with new ideas, applying what I was learning to my new working environment and conducting small experiments to test my newfound knowledge. Acting in unfamiliar ways often felt strange, as I tried to remake myself and transition my identity. I was trying new ways of doing and being, taking risks, and I was frequently frustrated since it wasn’t all working well together, yet.

The Being and the Doing

Embracing one’s learning journey and discomfort as a natural part of the learning process enables learning to go deeper, and for the impact to be profound. Simply put, learning to thrive in the darkness through presence (being) and action (doing) promotes transformational change. Darkness can allow for an uninhibited freedom that loosens our thoughts and facilitates unconscious mind-wanderings, creating the space for aha moments to emerge. 

The Being: Being able to be with the mystery of the dark is an important component of meaningful growth. This is about letting go of the desire to race towards a destination, and inviting boredom into our day. It is about inaction, and simply experiencing the feelings of discomfort, anxiety and fear, while exhibiting behaviors such as silence, patience and curiosity. When the learning gets tough, it can be easy to numb or mask the feelings we are experiencing: for example, working all hours, quitting the undertaking altogether, or just racing through the to-do list. Inaction is much harder than action, and requires us to sit and wait until the insights come and new thoughts emerge. It requires us to reflect, rather than react, and as a result, we are able to keep going, and keep growing.

The Doing: More practically, a learning endeavor can be successful if a number of intentional actions and structures are put into place to help manage the anxiety experienced.

1. Knowing Your Dream – We each have our own North Star, a mental picture of our desired lives and what it will feel like when that dream is fulfilled, and this must be brought into consciousness to guide a learning journey. When a dream is articulated – whether it eventually comes true as it was originally envisioned or gets modified along the way - it creates greater intention, and this provides motivation and purpose to withstand the anxieties and discomfort of the experience. In my journey, being aware of my own dream, which is to lead with psychological intelligence, and seeing progress along the way, gave me the motivation to keep going, despite the travails.
2. Knowing Your Sacrifice – When I graduated, friends and colleagues asked me how I had juggled everything: a new job, parenting, and education. The fact is that I hadn’t. I sacrificed time with my family, my social life with friends suffered, and I was deprived of the opportunity to decompress over weekends and holidays. I learned that you cannot “have it all”. We are constantly juggling competing priorities and commitments, prioritizing different aspects of our lives at different times. Since devotion to a period of learning requires compromising time from something else in your life, it is necessary not only to be aware of what must be sacrificed but also to communicate this to others so that they know what to expect of you, and how long this period will last. 
3. Knowing Your Community - The vulnerability that comes with transformational learning can feel lonely and torturous. Who you are, and what you know, is being disrupted to its core, and so identifying the right community of supporters to help you successfully move through this darkness is essential. Communicating your dream to your supporters will allow them to participate in the process with you, making them partners in a common purpose. A support structure requires that individuals play different roles, and identifying who fits in which role will help to harness the power of your community: Domain experts in the area in which you are building expertise, people whom you are comfortable turning to in order to test your knowledge and understanding; Peers to bounce ideas off with you, helping you to synthesize your learning and facilitate creative sparks and growth; Validators with whom you have deep trust with and can turn to in moments of doubt, when you are struggling to make sense of the unknown.

Recognizing and Accepting Discomfort

" One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious" - Jung (1945)

As we approach the Fourth Industrial Revolution, there is no doubt that we will all need to lean into the unknown, learning and re-learning throughout our lifetime to stay relevant. Developing the ability to identify and manage the anxiety that comes with learning is a critical factor that will enable us to transform. How we move through the darkness and discomfort will determine not only the success of the learning endeavor, but also our own well being during the process, equipping us to effectively handle the remarkable and thrilling changes that lie ahead.

Photo credits

1. Cover Image: The Dark Side of Learning: Dave Geffin
2. Swimming in the Deep End: Tomohide Ikeya
3. Creative Destruction: Swedish Graffiti Artist NUG (Magnus Gustafsson) at work
4. Recognizing and Accepting Discomfort: Ilya Rashap