Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

Vulnerability is the only path to courage

Think about a vulnerable animal or a vulnerable child and you might equate vulnerability with weakness. Brown argues that you cannot be brave without being vulnerable. Imagine you have a tough conversation you need to have with someone and instead of being vulnerable, you decide to armor up. Armoring up means you stifle courage and connection with the other person.

In this case, vulnerability isn't about showing weakness, it's about leaning into difficult emotions like fear, shame and uncertainty. Vulnerability is not weakness but the birthplace of courage, innovation and connection.

Shame is a major leadership killer

Shame is an intensely painful feeling of being unworthy of love and belonging - and Brown's extensive research shows that it undermines trust, creativity and innovation in organisations. Daring leaders work to cultivate shame-resilient cultures.

One thing I have noticed recently about how to reduce shame: be proactive about it. Sometimes, I will be reviewing deliverables or presentations with senior executives and they will ask a question highlighting something that is 'off' - not quite a mistake, but probably something that could be better. After asking the question, they will then say "I'm not saying to change it or it's wrong, I'm just wondering".

One of the practices I try when I'm in that senior executive role reviewing other people's work is ask questions rather than directly point out mistakes. Asking questions allows the other person to explain what they were thinking, which can then lead to me changing my perspective or into a mistake in thinking that pays dividends down the road.

Asking questions with the aim of pointing out a mistake = shame. Asking questions with the aim of being curious = shame-resilient.

Feedback is an act of love (when done right)

When I first became a manager, I avoided giving others feedback as much as possible. I saw it as awkward: who was I to tell someone how to be better? Over time, I slowly shifted my perspective on feedback - mostly because I realized I am not the person today without others giving me feedback. Feedback is not criticism (although it can feel that way), but an act of benevolence and a crucial component of developing others.

In fact, if you have feedback to give to someone and they make the same mistake again, I dare say that's on you.

Living your values requires constant attention and practice

It is not enough to list your values (and you know what your values are right?). Daring leaders actively examine how their actions align with their stated values. If a leader has a value of family and something comes up at work that conflicts with a family trip, well, the leader needs to make a hard choice of prioritizing their family (or thinking about how to deal with work without upsetting their family).

Do you know your values? What's a priority for you? And how do your actions and agendas line up with your values?

For example, if your value is health, I should see blocked out exercise sessions, meditation, wellness retreats, and other activities in your calendar.

The last thing I will leave you with: BRAVING, an acronym to define the seven elements of trust.

• Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you are not clear about what is okay, you ask. You are also clear about your own boundaries.
• Reliability: You do what you say you will do. You do not overpromise and you are aware of your own ability so you can deliver on your commitments.
• Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize and make amends.
• Vault: You don't share information or experiences that are not yours to share.
• Integrity: You are willing to choose courage over comfort. You will do what is right even when it is hard.
• Nonjudgment: You can talk to me about how you are feeling without judgment. I can talk to you about how I am feeling without judgment.
• Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words and actions of others.