Conscious Communication is Key
Conscious communication is the key to success in all relationships. We create our world through communication. We manifest our spirit through communication. We can destroy ourselves or someone we love with incorrect communication. How we speak to ourselves, how we speak to others, matching the communication with the purpose, increasing awareness, and deep listening are all key concepts of conscious communication.
When faced with challenges in life, it is typically the voice of the ego that first comes rushing to the surface of awareness as we get triggered at the emotional level by some external circumstance. The ego is unconscious and limited in its perspective of reality. The ego will give you many solutions that seem logical, rational and safe. Yet if you dig deeper, you will discover the energy behind each suggestion is rooted in fear. If all communication were to come from the heart with intent, there would be far less misunderstandings and outbursts we later regret.
The next time someone starts yelling at you and/or saying things that are triggering intense emotions within you, use a technique called S.O.D.A. This is a basic practical tool for conscious communication.
S – stop and take a deep breathe.
O – observe the situation without judgement. Observe your thoughts.
D – detach from the other person’s negative energy. Maybe they had a bad day. Does this really have anything to do with you or is it really about them?
A – awaken to your mind, body and soul. How are you feeling? Honor them.
Look around you. Are you in any grave danger right now? If not, then relax and listen to the other person with 100% focus and compassion. Give them the gift of listening. Recognize your courage and celebrate your success for being in control in the moment…release …breathe.
Everyone has a human need to feel secure especially when they’re expressing how they feel. Listen to others empathetically. They may be a poor communicator or they may not have had a good role model growing up. Perhaps open and transparent communication was not encouraged in their household. Listen for what is being expressed verbally and non-verbally (i.e. body language, and other stuff brewing below the surface). Don’t take it personally. Look underneath to where it’s all coming from. What’s happening for them right now? Removing yourself from their negativity separates you from the issue and leaves it with them to deal with. Realize that it’s not about you but about them, their journey, their lessons, their need to break free. Take yourself out of the equation to release anger and feel a deeper sense of inner peace.
Don’t blame the other person. Have compassion. When someone is yelling at you, let them vent and then ask them what they need from you in this moment. How can you help? Listen. Repeat back what you heard them say. Remember that people just want to be seen, heard, and understood! So why not give them this gift? When they’re done its then your turn to express what’s important to you and what you need from them. It’s important to remain both calm and objective here with a view to reaching some sort of common ground or understanding.
Unconscious communicators often interact with others from an “I am right” stance. While facts are important, very few conversations are about getting the facts right. Most conversations, especially difficult ones, are less about the objective facts of a situation and more about subjective interpretations and feelings. In these cases, what matters most is how people feel, and what people think should be done about a given situation. Conscious communication—especially when people disagree—requires going beyond “being right” about the objective facts in an effort to explore the other person’s perspective, especially their subjective interpretations.
Another great technique for conscious communication is consistent meditation so you can master your thoughts giving you space between them for growth. Meditation gives you the opportunity to train your mind on how to respond rather than to react. Meditation is like mental boot camp taking your brain to the gym. 10 minutes automatic writing after your meditation is highly recommended. Put pen to paper, don’t stop, and don’t think too much about what you’re writing. You will gain insight and wisdom about how to resolve the conflict.
For those who are willing to have a discussion in your household, make a list of 10 commitments and post them on the fridge so everyone can see and so communication can happen when the iron is cold not hot. This creates guidelines in households for communication which works for both children and adults.
You need to be in the right space for conscious conversation so there may be certain issues you need to put in the “parking lot” for now in order to move forward with the rest of the conversation. Perhaps you’re too tired or they’re too tired to deal with conflict at this time. Make an appointment to deal with whatever is in the “parking lot” at a later time.
Active listening is another practical tool to use. Show your commitment to a breakthrough by dealing with conflict thru intervention. If the other person is resisting positive transformation, suggest to them that they write you a letter or you write them a letter rather than talking which could lead to rage. This is the case most often with troubled teens.
Communication is a process of awakening from childhood programming. Most of it was received by age of 7. 95% is coming from your subconscious programs and only 5% from the conscious state. For those areas of your life that work easy, it’s because you have programs that support that. Any areas of your life that you have to work really hard at, are because you have programs in your subconscious mind, derived before age 7, which are limiting you. These are the areas you need to heal and release through deep exploration into past beliefs that your parents instilled in you growing up.
Affirm: “I live beyond the limits of my parents. I create my own universe. Conflicts are opportunities to learn, heal and grow.
All great relationships are created and nurtured by conscious people. If you respond to others from the subconscious, your past programming is harming your relationship. As a child, you recorded all the belief systems and values of your parents and as an adult you play it out. The nice thing is that when you start to identify this within yourself, you become more awakened to conscious response rather than reaction.
The next time you look at a lamp, see the light and not the shade.
Learn to love yourself and stop being so critical of yourself. Really work on your self-esteem by re-recording past traumatic events and false beliefs. It’s the movie of your new life and you’re the lead star! You’ll start to notice positive shifts both within yourself and the relationships you keep.
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