Communication broken by perfection

I sat feeling a little dejected when I started telling some one for the umpteenth time about an aspect of my life, namely gaming, in a way that actually related to their profession. Now I know I get excited about the stories, graphics, comradeship ... you get the idea, so if I do bring it up I may try to make it relatable to the listener.

The person tried to politely agree and then told me how they had no interest in the subject at all (because it was based on gaming).

With a little more thought about this it occurred that there two things playing against each other here. Our ability to listen to each other and the deeply ingrained selfishness humans have. Bare with me, I'm actually not being totally negative but rather looking objectively at a barrier that stops us (my self at times included) from being good listeners. I think that most of us kid ourselves into thinking that we are caring listeners when it matters. We read all the articles and hmm in agreement that its a good thing to remember, but in the real world it's not really in our core nature to really let go and allow others to have their say. I had to add, this does not make us bad people.

This is a totally an internal issue, we put up barriers or lose focus when the subject matter is not our interest or view. From my limited observations the issue is getting worse with attention spans being crushed by fast moving content and communications, especially fed by online trends.

We have been taught that our time is precious, but that point has been so amplified that we get to the point that we create cracks in the relationships around us because of bad communication skills. We focus so much on how well we communicate that we forget that the best communication happens both ways.

By now some of my few readers are feeling a bit offended, if all I want to really rant, I'll do it on FaceBook. Since insult isn't the aim of this piece, please try to keep an open mind here. I'm trying to remind you that society is changing more quickly now than ever in history, and not always in the best ways. In our lives we have these moments that we need to learn to stop and listen, when I say stop, I mean REALLY stop and REALLY listen. Put down the cell phone, stop writing that email, don't grab at your phone as soon as a message comes in. At the very least, point out that you actually want to listen and will give them your full focus in a few minuets when you are done. Then do that, give them a few minuets of undivided attention.

How much business do we lose when we won't allow potential clients to really just say it all. I know it can feel like they don't get to the point but want to talk about personal things. Even when we act like we care it can come across as insincere. You can't do business with some one if you don't understand them, ask any target market analyst. The ability to listen is the core to understanding clients, really milling over what they say can lead to a deeper comprehension of their needs beyond what they even know they need.

Business and professional applications aside, seeing the headlines of Chester of Linkin Park that committed suicide, I feel that listening is a skill we all need to develop because the deaf ear can be the end of a final lifeline someone may put out when they are in trouble.

This skill never develops over night, we need to carefully nurture it in our own lives day after day. Take a quiet pledge with yourself and see where this road takes you, try to become a real listener.

Feel free to challenge me or ask me questions about this, I think it is a huge topic that has a lot more than a single article can encompass.