Breaking up is hard to do

You can't stand your job? Are you ready to call it in? Are you ready to go out dancing and throwing your arms in the air yelling #IQuit!

In the last 3 years, I have quit 3 different jobs. When #IQuit in 2012, I left a company that I had been with for more than 14 years for a sales role at another company which I had never done before. I then quit that job after 18 months when I realized I needed more time with my family, so I took a more corporate based role in technical publishing (another role I've never done before).

A little over 3 weeks ago, I quit that last job and returned to first the company I had been at before. I am now reprising a role I had 6 years ago, and I'm finding that I am better at it now because of all the knowledge I had accumulated from my outside experience.

I did not expect so many people asking me how did I do it? Do what? Quit that many roles, and still come back to the first employer I quit in the first place? Here is what I did. It made coming back a less painful experience.

1. Make it clear what your wants are.

Let your manager know what your passions are. What are your interests? Curiosities? This happened to include opportunities that were outside the company for me. By the time I resigned, everyone was so supportive of me that it wasn't considered a slight that I was leaving to pursue what I wanted. Ultimately, they all wanted me to be where I would be able to follow my passion.

2. Focus on you, not them when you address your team.

This is definitely a bit of, "It's me, not you" positioning. Because any time you quit, you really should be doing it for you. "I am no longer motivated to do this because I find it difficult to see what impact I can have on X. When really, I now have an opportunity to do Y." You need to make it clear what your desired gain is, and what you think another opportunity is providing you that your current role is not. It's possible maybe they can provide you the opportunity where you are, and would not require you to resign.

Daniel Pink's book, Drive cites that people are motivated by the ability to master their craft, have autonomy, and feel they add value in whatever it is they do. If you are considering leaving your job, the reason most likely falls into one of those categories falling short. If not, you might just be in a rut and could consider just job crafting to make it work better for you.

3. Do not talk about compensation.

Remember, you are quitting, not negotiating a raise. That's a completely different topic and should be handled differently. Only bring up compensation if they ask. Threatening to quit over money is a terrible way to resign, and will almost guarantee you will never be able to talk to anyone in your organization again. Which, if you hope to stay in the same industry, can be incredibly damaging.

4. Have other opportunities firmly in hand.

I do not bring up the topic of resigning until I know for sure that I have another place I can land tomorrow. While you can always talk about what your needs are at any time with your manager or your team. I find it impractical to bring up leaving your role, without any safety net well within reach. I'm not talking about a reservoir of money either. You need a job opportunity firmly within reach, otherwise you find yourself without ANY leverage when it comes time to negotiate with potential employers or even your current employer. You need leverage.

5. Continue your work as if your next promotion depended on it.

The one thing I have always done is to take pride in my work. Even if my work no longer motivates me the way it once did - I want to be able to be proud of showcasing all work I have done on my resume. The litmus test for this would be whether or not I could name a reference from the company I will be resigning from to recommend my work I did. My work ethic is not swayed by whether or not I should be doing this job. (I need a paycheck as badly as the next guy.) You should always remember that your next boss could be the same boss you have now.

6. No trash talking your ex.

I know that some divorced families make it a rule that we never talk badly about mommy or daddy regardless if they no longer are married. The same is true when you leave a company. Do not trash talk your former employer (even if they no longer exist and have gone bankrupt.) It hurts your brand. You want to demonstrate professionalism. When asked why you left, cite something that is related to your own career growth that was lacking there and as mentioned previously - keep it on you. "I no longer could sustain a 2 hour commute daily and maintain a quality home life" or "I felt that there was no career growth opportunities for me..." These are considered a much more acceptable response then, "I am thinking the sky is falling over there." Because after all you were employed there. If you thought the company is terrible - they hired you, so does that mean you were also terrible?

7. Identify the key takeaway you gained from your experience.

When you enter or exit a role - think about what purpose that role served in your overall career development. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about your employer? What did you learn about the industry? This will serve you in your talk track when selling yourself for the next job or promotion. Regardless of whether or not you had a clear narrative of your career path, you should be able to craft a story of how you ended up where you are today. Before you commit to leaving or entering a job - this should always be the case.

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In this series, professionals share all the right — and wrong — ways to leave a job. Follow the stories here, and write your own (please include #IQuit somewhere in the body of your post).