Ask for help? Why not?

Asking for help from others is not always the easiest thing to do. Whether it be at work or in your personal life.

A couple summer's ago, I had a large outdoor play set that I needed to tackle in a weekend and I really needed help. The most capable and best resource for this job was easily my dad. He’s beyond handy, he lives an hour and a half’s drive away, he has every necessary tool imaginable, he’s great to work with, and oh yeah…he’s my dad. So why wouldn’t I ask him?

Great question. Here’s what I came up with. He has tons of his own projects going on, weekends are valuable…why would he want to spend one working on a giant playset? He’s going to ask me silly questions about why I decided to get such a huge playset for my kids., etc. I was basically making up reasons for him to say, “no” before he even had the opportunity to.

At some point, I came to my senses. I had to reach out and ask him. Of course, he said, “yes” and the only questions he asked were about the size of the playset, what weekend I was planning on, and what tools he should bring. None of what I thought would happen did.  Why did I wait and get all nervous about asking him? What’s the real reason I didn’t ask?

If you are remotely successful and self-motivated, you probably run into this dilemma quite a bit whether it’s at work or at home. You want to be the go-to resource. You don’t want to have to reach out to others and ask them for help. Unfortunately, whether we like it or not, we all need help. Here are the reasons I came up with for myself why I’m not asking for help (or at the very least hesitating).

1. I never want to give the impression that I’m in over my head.
2. I don’t want people to think I’m incapable, because ultimately I want people to believe they can come to me for help.  
3. I don’t want to be a burden.
4. I don’t know when I’ll be able to return the favor.

My assumption (if you have read this far) is that you have had similar thoughts to the four points I’ve listed above when considering assistance. So, when I look at those four things, I asked myself “why do you think people will assume those things about you? Why should I change my way of thinking?”

Truth is, I have thought those things of others when asking me for help. However, I don’t think that way every time anybody asks me for a helping hand. Rarely do I assume such things. It’s me making assumptions about how others feel about my current situation. It reminds me of a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So, why feel that way?

Feel good about asking for help. We should be grateful we have people that we can ask. With this post, I am challenging myself and others to ask for help when it’s necessary and lean on others accordingly. It can be a rewarding experience and a great opportunity to learn from one another. The worst thing that could happen is that they will say “no”. That’s not so bad in the big picture of things. And if they are unable to help, it is most likely for other personal reasons and is at no way as a result of how they feel about your situation. If the person you’re asking is a lot like me, it’s most likely far harder to say they can’t help then it is to say “yes”.

For those of you who know me that are reading this...yes, I'm still working on it myself. :)