The Art of Surrendering

I have lived for decades believing that I was no good at what I did. The imposter effect was a common predicament early on, but gradually replaced by familiarity and self-assurance as I hit half-life. I can now wing-it when I need it! There was no reason to let-go of the old ways as my nutshell was cozy and full.  

But then change struck, and I found myself with an old mindset in a new place. I have a choice – to go back to the productive (often forced) and comfortable life or walk away from it. The former is important to meet practical needs for a secure life.  The latter is going to make me feel all sorts of highs and lows, but there will be a new mindset! It was a face-off between perfection and creativity. Perfection to me is chasing prescriptive outcomes and brainstorming on failure to course-correct towards that prescribed outcome.  Important to succeed, no doubt but crushes the nascent seeds of creativity.

I used to see creativity as a frivolous often-ignored step-child – the less savvy one. But slowly realizing that creativity relies on technique for sure, but more on feelings and flow. “From the heart” as they say. It has a destination, but not necessarily a map - very enticing to me at this point. “To be an artist means to live within oneself, be a bit self-absorbed to create something original” - words of a Bollywood actor I find controversial and true. To me ego is self-preservation and to be creative one needs to create from the inside, nurturing it but taking inspiration from the outer realm of course.  

So, what’s the barrier? Surrendering and letting go. Doing your bit but disconnecting from external validation, drawing boundaries to think from within and listening to your gut are uncommon and rare.  Social trends gather momentum so easily, its almost counter-intuitive to walk away. To embrace the idea of “Living well but not amounting to anything” is seen as a whole new level of existential crisis.  

 I believe that all our destinations are one, but some switch paths, taking lesser-known routes simply to get new insights or reinforce old ones - A bit like coaching.  It is one of the more intangible skill sets, but high on nuance and feeling. Like an artist must dive deep to produce something, a coach is also hoping to do the same by partnering with the client. Trade the perfect script for an exploratory often risky path of questioning for that rare moment when their heart skips a beat! That moment when you make someone feel like an original piece of art! Realization, awareness and sometimes a mirror that may reflect something they may not want to see.  So here is me giving myself permission to slip and tumble into coaching, hoping to create some hearty art.  

Swathi

Feb 28th 2023