2017: The Year of No

Saying yes is generally a very good thing. “Yes” is the call you get to make before something or someone enters your life and adds to your course. I’m all about the yes; “Yes” is what’s had me roll up my sleeves quietly and adapt fiercely to whatever I’ve been called on to do. But things add up over time, and everything that is on our plate is there because we said yes to it, whether we knew it or not.

And part of growing up is about saying Yes until we know enough to say No.

I think that one of the reasons I’ve become a decently competent, adaptable, and multi-passionate human being is because in my years of emerging adulthood, I said yes to a lot of things. And yes to a lot of people. For better or worse, making others happy is my default. But the tendency turns into people-pleasing if we’re not careful, and at the same time, I believe these characteristics are okay so long as we are aware of them and able to manage them in ways that are good for us.

Towards the end of 2016, I felt anxious about all my yay-saying to social invitations, events, or coffee catch-ups. I said yes to these things so often that they took up every evening of my weekday. Weekends would come around and by that time, I’d turn down activities or people I genuinely adore because I hadn’t managed my time, boundaries, and real commitments better. And so I was left to ask myself — what have I got to change here? What can I be doing differently?

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Is your “yes” murmured from the dungeon of resentment? Or is it bellowed atop the shoulders of love? With every Yes you give: Do I feel resentful or do I feel loving? If your Yes grows more often on the soil of resentment, it’s also likely you are choosing to be what others want you to be, or who you think you should be, instead of choosing to do what you really want. It’s likely you indeed know it when you feel it, but are caught in the pattern of yes-making when actually, Yes is no longer where you’re at.

One thing’s for sure: I’ve always been driven by my curiosity and I don’t think that part will ever change. But, there comes a point when you’ve gathered enough self-data to know what you want and then to do something about it — to move toward that direction and to offer it your great, deserving attention. While there’s no need to justify your No to anyone, doing the work to name and claim what you truly want to achieve is, in its essence, compelling and focused and honest and, believe it or not, an act of service to yourself and others.

Basically my new life approach is this: Say yes a lot when you’re figuring things out and starting out. Then, once you know where you’re going, say no.

Note: By “starting out,” I don’t mean only when you’re in school or in early years of your career — I mean any of the different start lines we cross in our lifetime. And by “where you’re going,” I don’t mean where you’re headed FOR ALL YOUR LIFE TO INFINITY AND BEYOND — I mean like, whatever’s next up that you’re wanting to accomplish. Chill, right?

SO, in relentless attention to my word for the year (i.e “Finish”) and its associated plans, I am saying No to:

* the fear of missing out (FOMO)
* Facebook and Instagram distractions, fully for the month of February and then subsequently in minimal doses whenever I choose to return
* meetings and catch-ups over coffee/tea or the like
* active involvement in other people’s projects (though, you know I can’t ever stop cheering you on)
* my dang nasty inner critic getting in the way

So that I can say Yes to:
* the joy of missing out (JOMO)
* study nights; on more life coaching training, communication concepts, and career development tools
* creative nights; for planning, writing, reading, dancing, drumming
* exploring my unused creativity
* more thoughtful connections and significant moments with inner circle of friends and dear ones
* days that are not only productive for mind, but also for body and heart
* my suddenly loud instinct/intuition/soul that is on to something and not quieting down about it, whatever ‘it’ is (I’m so keen to figure you out!)

There it is, folks. I don’t know what the Year of No will bring, but I’d be overjoyed even if it helps me focus on getting some good stuff (started and) finished up. I’m nervous to nuggets about much of this, but to quote the words of Anais Nin, the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

In the meantime, let’s get to blossoming, y’all. Leave a comment and let me know what you want to create more space for this year. What are you willing to say “No” to for your bigger “Yes” burning inside?

- Originally posted on medium.com/@glo_eid on Feb 1, 2017.
- For more, visit my page at www.influxtion.com