Make first impressions count

- What if I was to say that making a great first impression is like doing well at an audition? Your colleagues are probably never going to admit this, but they're working out whether they can be bothered to give you a chance. If people don't know you, or you've had few interactions, then all they have to go on are those little things. For example, if you're seen as the person who makes mistakes with underrepresented groups' names, you may not see this as a big problem, but they do. It could be read as incompetence, insincerity, being poor in detail, and that you don't care about certain people. Even worse, it's read as being part of a wider problem within work culture. So to help you stand out for all the right reasons, I'd like to draw your attention to two areas worth working on. Firstly, greetings in the workplace. Now, this one is tricky. Handshakes, no handshakes? Fist bump, hand on the heart, bow, hugs, kiss on the cheek, two kisses even. Here are some pointers. Play it safe and give people space. Be mindful of any conflicting cultural norms. And if you have any doubts, let them take the lead. Definitely don't force someone to adopt your rules. I've seen people get upset when others haven't wanted to shake hands or hug. Don't take it personally and hide your surprise. It may seem cliched advice, but a reserved, cheerful, and confident smile while communicating warmth and sincerity with your words and offering your undivided attention will go a long way. The better that you can do this, and with everyone, the easier you're going to find authentic communication and create a lasting impression. However, the reality is that few people are comfortable around anyone, and they may be unaware of giving off body language, facial expressions, or a tone which others detect as different between groups in a bad way. So I suggest practicing. Record yourself on a smartphone, watch it back, cringe, and then get back to practicing. Next task which should be on everyone's list is all about names and titles. Get people's names right. Pronounce them correctly. Remember titles and pronouns. Put aside time to get these things right, and make sure that you're achieving this with consistency for everyone. Mispronouncing or misspelling someone's name and forgetting their title while you remember to do so for others, even if unintentional, is a form of microinvalidation. These are communications that undermine someone's status. Habitually making mistakes is a form of implicit discrimination, as it sends a message to the other person that they're not important enough to be bothered about learning their name or anything else. Intentionally mispronouncing someone's name or omitting their title is a form of microassault, and a way of othering, which is labeling people as not fitting in. I often see people not correcting others or making preemptive changes to their names, not because they don't mind, but because they're mindful that it makes them unnecessarily stand out, or it's upsetting when mistakes are made. This frequently leads to minorities feeling that they have to change to fit in, a behavior called code switching. So what's the problem? Well, code switching is more likely to lead to us and them attitudes at work. It adds complicated layers to communication. You're less likely to be your authentic self. And it's incredibly draining both emotionally and mentally. Encourage people to be honest about how they want their name pronounced, how their family does it, and then practice. When you're confident that you have it right, or you have confirmed with the person that you're doing so correctly, be an ally by sharing the load and correcting others who haven't managed it yet. Finally, it's worth considering that the person who's having their name mispronounced or feels uncomfortable when greeted may not know the motives behind why this is happening, but they do know that these are early indicators of potentially less than culturally aware workplace. If they have experienced this before elsewhere, then they're likely to be extra sensitive and could withdraw or close off their authentic selves as a form of self-protection. This will set back the process of encouraging cultural diversity, and you may not be fully aware of this until it's too late. So off you go. Get practicing those smiles and your coworkers' names.